Never Look Back
by kira66
Summary: People say that if you look back you'll never be able to leave. And other people say that if you don't look back you'll never be able to forgive yourself. Horatio finds this out the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

Everything was dark in the Miami Dade Crime Lab, everything except one office. The office of Horatio Caine was lit up as if it wasn't eleven o'clock at night. The lights were on and obviously someone was moving around inside but it was eerily quiet. That someone didn't want anyone else to know he was there. And for good reason too.

Boxes were scattered around the spacious office. The boxes weren't empty but rather packed full of items. Some contained manilla folders full of papers while others held pictures and other personal items. But the one thing that tied all these boxes together was the bold writing on the sides. The words Los Angeles and CSI was marked clearly across the front of each and every one of the boxes.

With a sigh the man inside rested his hands, flat, on the desk in front of him. His red head was bowed in defeat. Something this man rarely experienced but this was one of those rare occasions. Something else this man wasn't was a coward but here he finds himself packing his things in the dead of night, no one around to know what he was doing and leaving before anyone could find out. He was a man of honor and respect and he felt sick. Sick because he was sneaking out on his friends, who also happened to admire and respect him beyond belief. People that went to bat for him time and time again and he returned the favors. It felt like he was leaving his family. This thought got a snort of him and he seemed to sober and continue with his packing.

Within about an hour the man was finished. Sunglasses were removed and tossed, carelessly, upon the desk as he surveyed the room. Horatio Caine wasn't a very happy man at this point in time.

Two items were left on his desk. One was a picture of himself, Calleigh, Eric, Alexx and the late Speed at a Christmas party hosted by Alexx. The other was of him, Yelina and Raymond Jr. taken at an amusement park. It was a family vacation. Actually, it was the last vacation that they took together. He picked up the silver framed picture of his team and placed it, gently, into the box while his eyes lingered on the gold framed picture. A sad smile tugged on his lips as he picked that photo up and placed it on top of the previous one, with the picture side down. He was so caught up in the picture that he didn't notice that he was no longer alone. Another person was leaning against the doorframe, watching him, silently.

"Planning a little trip?" The question seemed to float out of thin air until Horatio focused his gaze towards the door. His smile faded and soon he was moving around his desk, placing lids on the boxes. "You could say that." He tensely replied. He offered nothing else. "I was driving by when I noticed the lights on..." Came the accented explanation for her being there. Horatio grunted in response as he lifted one of the boxes onto his desk and slid a lid over top of the folders inside. "And you thought you'd stop and make sure everything was ok, right?" He didn't mean to sound so cold but he couldn't help it. "You could say that." Came her copy response that held just a hint of amusement within it.

Horatio sighed and sat down on his chair, turning around to face the window. He kept his eyes on the dark crime lab below hoping she'd leave but knowing she wouldn't. Without turning around he began to speak. "Los Angeles is in need of a good cop. A good CSI. I've had offers from them before. Same with Houston and Chicago but I never even considered them. Then a few weeks ago the head over the Los Angeles Crime Lab called me personally and lets just say I couldn't refuse his offer." His voice was soft yet at the same cold. "Los Angeles?" Was her reply. "You're leaving Miami and moving to Los Angeles?" She was shocked beyond belief. Never thinking in a million years that Horatio would leave. "Why?" This time her voice was soft, a whisper. "Why?" He spun his chair around to look at her. This was the woman that he loved but never dared to think about it. Or act on it. This was his sister-in-law. His brothers wife. That's all he used to see for the first few years after Raymond died. Then he started to see more than his brothers wife. He started to see a beautiful woman who he loved long before Raymond did but never got around to acting on his feelings. "Yelina..." He started then stopped, gathering his thoughts. "It's time for me to move on. I've trained these people good and they will be fine without me."

He couldn't bring himself to tell her the real reason for him leaving was her relationship with Rick. He couldn't stand the guy but he made her happy so he stepped aside. Stepped aside right when he was ready to be there for her in the ways she needed. Again he never got around to acting on his feelings. The last he heard was that they were getting serious and Rick was going to pop the question soon. No doubt in his mind to what her answer would be.

"Do they know?" Yelina asked. It was a logical question and she already knew the answer but she wanted to hear it from him. "No. I've left two letters at the front desk. One for Eric and one for Calleigh." He looked down at his hands.

"Horatio..." She began but stopped. How could she tell him that she didn't want him to go? He hurt her beyond belief when she found out he had a daughter. A kid that he never spoke to her about. Never even mentioned her before. She cared for him deep enough for it to border on love but he lied to her. That reminded her so much of Raymond that it scared her. So she grew cold towards him. Started dating Rick Stetler. The change in their relationship was noticeable. There was always tension between them and arguing that stemmed from their personal problem but always managed to surface during a case they worked together. "Are you going to...come back to visit your daughter?" That was the only thing she could think of to say.

"No...Susie and Madison are moving to Los Angeles with me. I'm in the process of buying a house in Pasadena." He knew his words would hurt her so that's why he was volunteering so much information.

"What is the real reason you stopped by, Yelina?" He wanted to finish what he was doing so he could start packing at home. Yelina walked over and picked a box up off one of the chairs and sat it on the floor. Then she sat down and crossed her legs. "Ray has been getting into trouble at school. Mostly fighting but lately he stopped doing his homework and just stays in his room. He refuses to leave his room if Rick is around. I don't know what to do with him, Horatio. Rick told me that he must be, only now, grieving for his father." It was clear that she didn't buy that explanation. "When did this all start?" Now this had Horatio's attention. Ray was his nephew and he'd do anything to make sure that little boy grew up happy and healthy. Yelina sighed. She had to tell him as much as she didn't want to. "The fighting started back up about a month ago and the homework skipping about a week ago. Right around the time that Rick disciplined him." She knew Horatio would react badly to finding out that Rick, the man Horatio despised, was disciplining the son of his dead brother. Horatio cleared his throat and his jaw tightened. "Did he hit him?" If he hadn't been sitting down he'd probably have grabbed the nearest object and threw it through the glass in the window. "What? No. Rick would never hit Ray because I would never let him. He yelled at him for talking back. Rick asked him to pick up his toys in the living room and Ray refused. It ended with Ray telling Rick that he wasn't his father so he didn't have to do what he said. The door was slammed and it's been like that ever since."

Horatio seemed to be lost in thought after hearing the problems that Ray was going through. "Yelina, let me take him to Los Angeles with me. Just for a few days, maybe a few weeks." He sighed. "I can understand where he is coming from and in my opinion he needs a break. A vacation to get his mind off of things. He's a good kid but even good kids need a break from the daily routine. You can even pick up all his homework before hand and I'll make sure he finishes it."

He knew exactly what was bothering the boy. About two months ago Horatio and Yelina were working on a very difficult case together. A fellow officer was killed in the line of duty and his six daughter was kidnaped. The kid was recovered but not before she was brutally raped. It was a gruesome sight when they found her. After they made sure she was stable at the hospital they both went out for a much needed drink. But the drink turned into something more and Horatio found himself waking up in Yelina's bed. He had crossed the one line that he swore that he'd never cross. He slept with his brothers widow. When he first woke up he was happy then reality began to set in and soon he felt guilty. He left before she woke up but not before Ray spotted him coming out of his mothers room. The kid was shocked at first then ecstatic. Ray hated Rick and assumed that with Horatio coming out of his mothers room that Rick would no longer be in the picture. He sat Ray down and explained things as best as he could and it broke his heart not to be able to tell the kid what he wanted to hear.

Horatio's suggestion shocked Yelina. "Go to Los Angeles with you? It's not even the middle of the school year yet and you want me to pull him out for a vacation?" This didn't sound like Horatio talking but lately nothing that came from Horatio sounded like him. Her eyes narrowed as she watched her brother-in-law. "You know what is bothering him, don't you?" She accused. Horatio hesitated having sworn to Ray that he wouldn't say anything but did he actually think he could keep something so big from his mother? "Yes, he told me what was bothering him but I don't think I have the right to tell you. It should be him." Yelina leaned forward, resting her hands on the desk top. "I have the right to know what is going on with my son. He's stubborn Horatio. Just like Raymond and just like you. He's not going to tell me. So please..." She was desperate. "Yelina..." He sighed. "Ray is confused. He knows that his father was a good man that died too soon. But at the same time he thinks that you're trying to replace him with Rick. He doesn't like Rick, Yelina. I don't think he ever will. He's a Caine, after all. Once a Caine gets a thought in his head...there is no changing his mind. But I think a vacation will calm him down. And I can have time to talk to him. Tell him about his father so that when he comes back he can be a little more accepting of your relationships. So he can understand why his life is changing so much. He just needs a little time around family. I'm not trying to steal your son, Yelina. I'm only trying to help." He looked down at his hands. Yelina was quiet after Horatio stopped talking. "I didn't... I guess it makes sense now. He's a whole different person when Rick is around. I never even gave it a second thought until now. I'll make the arrangements with the school and pick up his homework. When are you leaving?" Horatio stood up from his chair and moved around the desk to lean on it, close to her. "A few days. I've taken an extended leave of absence until my resignation takes effect." He offered her a rare, comforting, smile. Yelina stood and moved towards the door but stopped before she exited. Without turning around she began to speak. "I hope you find what you're looking for in Los Angeles, Horatio." With those words uttered, she left.

Horatio looked around the empty office and back towards the door that she went through. "I do too." He mumbled, sadly. He pushed away from his desk and towards the door, stopping long enough to flip the light off. He closed the door. The walk out was the longest he ever felt. Things were moving in slow motion as he reached the outside doors. Then he left, without looking back.


	2. Chapter 2

The first few months was the toughest on Horatio. Los Angeles was a lot like Miami but at the same time it was completely different. The crimes were more horrendous. The suspects less likely to talk without their standby lawyers present. But not all things had to change. His new team was made up of the best.

Nevada Sanchez was born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Her father always wanted a son but instead got three daughters. This didn't stop him from passing down his love of guns and hunting to the oldest of the three thus making her one hell of a shot. She attended Carnegie Mellon University and has a B.S. in Physics. She is the ballistics expert.

Justice St. James was born and raised in Poughkeepsie, New York. He comes from the perfect idea of a middle class family. His father was a policeman but is now retired and his mother was a housewife who raised all five of the St. James children while her husband worked. Justice is the oldest and also a twin. His four younger siblings are boys all except his twin which is a girl. He attended Vassar College and has a B.S. in Biology. He also has an eye from detail so he is the Trace expert.

Milo Griffin was born and raised in Orlando, Florida. His father was killed by a drug dealer right in front of him and his younger sister. Ever since then Milo wanted to make a difference in the world. He attended the University of Central Florida and has a B.S. in Chemistry. He is the finger print/drug identification expert.

Jezebel Gallo was born and raised in Los Angeles, California. She is the only child of a single Italian immigrant mother. She always had the knack for helping people and eventually decided to become a doctor. But once she finished her medical degree she decided that being a medical doctor wasn't the thing for her. She attended UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine where she got her M.D. and UCLA where she got her B.S. in Chemistry. She is the medical examiner.

At first Horatio felt awkward around these young people but soon they gained his respect and he gained theirs in return. A well oiled working team was formed and soon Horatio was functioning back on his level of expertise.

Once they arrived in Los Angeles, Horatio handed over the keys to a house in Pasadena to Susie and Madison just down the street from his own house. That is one thing that he didn't tell Yelina that night. That he wasn't going to be living with Susie and Madison. But he was going to keep them close by so he could see his niece.

Raymond Jr. also became a resident at his home. After the first few days of the boys vacation he showed his Uncle bruised on his arms and back. Bruises, that he claimed came from some of Rick's discipline sessions when his mother wasn't around. Horatio jumped at this and filed for protective custody of his nephew. Yelina was notified of the custody hearing but was unable to attend do to work. It was postponed three times before a judge awarded Horatio temporary custody of one Raymond Caine Jr. That was more than six years ago. Horatio tried to contact her for months after the hearing but was unable to have a conversation with the very upset mother. So with a heavy heart, he gave up. Left it up to Ray to decide if he wanted to contact his mother or not. Horatio had finally washed his hands of his former sister-in-law. She may have been angry at him for taking her son away but he was angry at her for making it come to this.

Clear his throat, Horatio surveyed the crime scene in front of him. Five bodies were scattered over the warehouse floor. Two of which were woman. Bullets and casings were strewed everywhere. He pulled his sunglasses off and folded them into his shirt pocket. "What have you got, Nevada?" He questioned.

Nevada looked up at her red headed boss from where she was crouched gathering casings off the floor. "Woll , by da looks of dese. I would say that more than one weapon was used. I'm guessing at least three different ones but I won't be sure until I git dese back to da lab."(Yes, this is the famous Pittsburghese accent.) She had lived in Los Angeles since she graduated college but still hadn't lost her Pittsburgh accent fully. It drove her friends and colleagues nuts but she always joked that is why she kept some of it. To drive them nuts. She got back to work after seeing Horatio's nods.

Milo spotted Horatio moving away from Nevada and jogged to catch up with him. "Hey H." He stopped once he was walking side by side with the other man. "My guess is that this is some sort of drug lab. There are six bathtubs in the back with a yellow powder residue around the rim and Justice found a Marijuana sun room in one of the side rooms."

Horatio stopped once Milo stopped talking. "A drug lab? Makes sense. Test the yellow powder on all the bathtubs and tell Justice to call the Narcotics task force in on this one. They might have a record on what this place is unofficially called and they do owe us one. Good work." He smiled and continued walking until he was outside. The sun was bright so he placed his sunglasses back on. With a sigh he looked around. Something didn't seem right. The warehouse wasn't operational but it was too quiet and he knew what that meant. Turning on his heels, he ducked back inside. "EVERYONE OUT!" He yelled out and people began to scatter. "LETS GO PEOPLE!" He backed out of the doorway and took a dive towards one of the black CSI hummers that was parked outside. He heard the others running and also diving just in time for the building to explode into one giant ball of fire. Then everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

Ray sat beside his Uncles hospital bed almost like a statue. His eyes glued to the monitor that was steadily beeping. How could this have happened? Horatio was the best and to be almost taken out by a flying piece of metal. It was unbelievable. It caught him right in the side of the head. Chewing on his bottom lip, Ray couldn't help the tears that were slowly sliding down his perfectly tan face. A complection that he got from his Colombian mother. "You can't die, Uncle Horatio. You just can't." He reached down and held onto his uncles hand.

The doctor found him that way three hours later when he informed the young man that he might want to call any close family. The swelling on the brain had gone down but at this point in time his chances of living was fifty-fifty.

With a heavy heart the sixteen year old Caine left the hospital and drove home. Once there he began to look up numbers. The first being his mother. A mother he hadn't spoken to in over three years. He punched in the set of numbers and waited as it rang only to get an answering machine. He debated on if he should leave such a personal message on the answering machine and decided that it wasn't the right thing to do. "Hello Mom. It's me Raymond. I was just calling..." He stopped having become choked up. "I need you to call me as soon as you can. The number is 205-532-9084. It's an emergency." He hung up the phone and took a deep, calming breath. The doorbell rang and he went to answer it. There standing on the doorstep was a very distraught Madison.

"Nevada just called me, RayRay." Madison chewed on her lower lip as she began to sob. Raymond gathered her into his arms and held her. This wasn't something a ten year old kid should have to go through. RayRay was her nickname for Raymond. She called him that ever since they met and before they found out they were siblings. They had always been close cousins but two years ago Horatio decided that it was time for them to know the truth. He sat both children down and told them that they were half brother and sister. Raymond didn't want to accept it at first but Horatio explained everything about Raymond Sr. Ray accepted it after that.

"It's going to be ok, Maddy." Ray whispered as he held his little sister in his arms as she sobbed. "Uncle Horatio is a strong man. He's going to make it." The little girls sobs soon subsided and she stepped out of the embrace, wiping her eyes. "Thanks RayRay." She gave him a smile that only could come from a Caine. It was moments like this that Raymond knew for a fact that Madison was his little sister. "No problem. It's what big brothers do." He offered her the identical smile. "Where is your mother, Madison?" It was odd for her to be home during a school day.

"Mom isn't home again." Madison mumbled as she looked down to her white sneaker covered feet. "She said something about a treatment center in Canada that was sure to work." It was no secret that Susie was a junkie but only recently began to use again. She was trying to stop but that meant she had to travel to treatment centers without Madison. So she'd leave the youngster alone knowing Horatio was there, along with Ray, to take care of her while she was away.

Raymond nodded and moved out of the doorway. "Come on then." Madison had a room in the house that had been the second guest room but was converted to her likes. "Thanks RayRay." She entered and headed straight for the room, shutting the door with a soft click. Soon soft sobs could be heard. "You got to make it, Uncle Horatio. We both need you." His eyes moved over to the mantel where all the pictures were sat. He smiled at one in particular. It was a wedding picture. A wedding picture of Horatio and Gretchen.

They were married three years ago. She was a detective with the Los Angeles police department and fell head over heels in love with Horatio the first time she saw him. Lucky for her, he did too. They were so happy together. She adored Ray and Madison and always made them feel loved and cared for. She filled the void of their absent mothers. Then last year she was killed in a car accident coming home from a trial she was testifying at. It was discovered, later, that the man on trial had paid to have Gretchen Caine murdered. Horatio took it hard. As did the kids. But all of them were used to unmanageable situations and bounced back after the normal grieving time. But Horatio did pledge to dedicate his life to keeping that scum bag in prison.

Ray tore his eyes away from the picture and collapsed in a nearby chair where he also began to sob. He couldn't help it. Even boys cry or so his uncle always told him. And this was one occasion that he believed him.


	4. Chapter 4

The following days after Horatio's accident was the most difficult for the kids. Especially Ray. He had to take on his Uncles role at home. With Susie gone, Ray made sure that Madison went to school, did her homework and stayed out of trouble. But this was a big task for a sixteen year old boy. But everything continued as normal. Ray attended his evening Lacrosse practices and games. Madison didn't miss any of her soccer games and was named MVP at the end of the season. Ray was there to cheer her on. Both were still honor students at school. Nothing really changed except at the end of their busy days, they'd collapse on the couch and just sit in silence or spent the entire weekend at Horatio's bedside.

Two weeks past without any change in Horatio's condition. He was still in a coma, fighting for his life. But things started to change at the Caine household. The pressures of everyday life was wearing on the two children. They were emotionally exhausted and nearing mental breakdowns from stress. Conversation was rare. Human contact was even rarer. Ray lost his girlfriend of two years because he couldn't fit her in his busy schedule. Madison had to drop her honors French class because she didn't have time to complete all the required assignments. Things were tense to say the least.

The paperwork for Madison's adoption by Horatio had came through just a mere three days ago. This occasion should have been a time to celebrate but instead both children cried. Both now, not only losing an uncle was also going to lose a father.

Ray arrived home before Madison who was studying at a friends house. He set to work making dinner which consisted of spaghetti and garlic bread. A personal favorite of his and Madison's introduced to them by Gretchen. He was getting tired of the tension and stress and wanted just one quiet dinner with his sister. Ray eyed the grandfather clock hanging in the hallway. Madison would be home in two hours. Her friends mother was going to drop her off. He trusted the woman since the Gonzales family was close friends with the Caine family. Ray is in the same grade as and best friends with Antonio Gonzales and Madison is friends with Maria Gonzales.

When the doorbell rang, Ray placed the spoon he was stirring the sauce with onto the counter and wiped his hands on his apron which affectionately read 'All Caine Men Can Cook.' It was a gag gift given to him by Gretchen the Christmas before she died. He knew it couldn't be Madison since she had a key and would let herself in so he cautiously made his way to the door, grabbing his uncles personal firearm out of a hallway drawer along the way. He wasn't taking any chances. Swallowing he approached the door and took a calming breath and taking the safety off the gun. "Who is it?" He called out and waited for a response. Hearing nothing he stepped to the other side of the door and turned the door handle, pulling it open about an inch. The sight that greeted him on the other side of the door almost made him drop the gun. He pushed the door shut, undid the security chain and pulled it open wide. His arms were limply at his side and the gun was pointed to the floor. He stood gaping, open mouthed, at the woman standing in front of him. "Wha...What are you doing here?" He was surprised to say the least. More like shocked into numbness.

Yelina Salas raised a perfectly thin eyebrow as the door was opened. She had stood there for what seemed forever before gathering enough courage to ring the finely decorated doorbell. What greeted her was a sight for sore eyes. There was no doubt that the young man that greeted her was her son. A boy she hadn't seen in over six years. "Raymond?" She questioned. He was almost a spitting image of his father. She gathered her thoughts. "I received your message. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here but I had to call in some favors to get this address." A warm breeze was blowing which caused her cream colored pants to gently blow about. Her curly hair was also blowing.

Ray swallowed and stepped out of the doorway. "Please, come in." He cleared his throat and lead her into the living room. "I didn't expect you to come all this way. A phone call would have been more than enough." He couldn't help the bitterness that was seeping into his voice. "It wouldn't have been proper for me to leave what I have to say on a answering machine." She could fly out now but couldn't make it six years ago when Horatio filed for protective custody of him. He had wanted to stay with his uncle but he also wanted to face his mother and ask her why she left Rick treat them the way he did. Shaking those thoughts from his head, he motioned toward a rich green couch. "Please, have a seat. I must check on dinner and then I shall answer any questions you have for me." He returned to the kitchen where he placed the gun on top of the refrigerator and began to check on the food, making sure none of it burned.

She followed her son down the hallway, taking in the different decorations. The place was beautiful, she had to admit to herself. After sitting, she noted the gun that her son was, white knuckled, clutching. After he left her alone she took note of the room. It was richly decorated in exotic and expensive items but many pictures lined the mantle above the fireplace. And several more hung from various places on the wall. Her curiosity got the best of her as she moved from the couch to the mantle, looking at each and every picture. She stopped in front of one picture that was of a sports team. Her son sat in the middle with a smile on his face while holding a trophy. There was another picture with a sports team but this one was all girls. She reconized the girl in the middle as Madison, Horatio's daughter. She was also holding a trophy. Horatio was doing a fine job raising the two children, she noted to herself. Other pictures contained Horatio standing in front of a big building with a group of four standing around him. His new team. And then the last picture on the mantle really caught her attention. "Horatio is married?" She asked out loud to herself, shocked.

"He was married." Came the reply from behind her. Ray had returned and had watched his mother for five minutes while she looked at the pictures. Then he heard her speak to herself. "Aunt Gretchen was a detective with the Los Angeles police department. She was very good at what she did. I think that is one of the reasons uncle Horatio loved her so much." Ray moved around the living room until he was beside his estranged mother. "She was killed last year on her way home after testifying against one of the men she helped catch. It hit us all hard. They had been married for three years and completely happy. They were even starting a family. Gretchen loved me and Maddy so much that she wanted to share her love with a child of her own. We just found out that she was pregnant a month before her death." He looked down at his hands. This was difficult to talk about. "She was one hell of a woman, I can tell you that much." He sunk into a nearby chair and sighed. "Two weeks ago Uncle Horatio was helping his CSI work a case. A warehouse murder. From what I've been told, Uncle Horatio knew something was wrong. He ordered everyone out before the place went up like a Chinese firework. He saved everyone there but the explosion sent things flying. Metal beams were tossed around like twigs." He sniffled as he began to get chocked up. "Uncle Horatio was caught in the side of the head by a piece of metal. He's in a coma and the doctors don't know if he's going to live. That is what I didn't want to tell you on the answering machine. He has a fifty-fifty chance to live but the doctors really don't think he's going to get better."


End file.
